My Two Fathers

I love and cherish the time I had with both of my fathers, my birth father, and my stepfather. They were opposites in many ways: NCO/Officer, Fundamentalist/Moderate, Casual/Formal, Swedish/Okie but both cared deeply for my mother and me, were creative, loved books, were craftsmen, and spent quite a bit of time with the Bible.

My dad was a photographer in the US Navy during the Vietnam War. He spent most of my childhood at sea. Though he and my mother divorced early on, he was determined to stay in touch and make sure I knew he loved me. He recorded tapes from his bunk on the ship, reading books to me, “James and the Giant Peach”, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, sent me gifts from all over the world and always made sure I had the latest Disney record. My memories of him revolve around photography, drawing, mountains of presents celebrating Christmas or my birthday in a hotel room, eating Cheez-its and grape Nehi from the vending machines, Disney World and church. Throughout our relationship, our visits were brief but always filled with fun and imagination.

My Stepfather, served as a Chaplain in the Army and, before that, as a pilot in the Army Air Corps. His career spanned the WWII, Korean, and Vietnam wars. He was a true hero, both in the military, where he earned the Bronze Star and Air Medal, and personally, when he saved my mother’s life. He was a kind and steady presence during my high school years and beyond. He introduced me to music, art, and the joys of preparing a fine meal.

Making life work while straddling the fence between two families is quite a challenge. Love, care, expectations, regret, and grief, are all multiplied. And while it’s hell going through, I look back now and know how rich I am because of the bond I had with these two men.

Though they weren’t always happy with my spontaneous life choices, they loved and supported me to the end. For example, I spent a 15-year adventure immersed in a Persian family, where I learned the beauty of Persian culture, dance, and food.

My relationship with my fathers helped me recognize the love my husband, Jon, has for his daughter. As she grew up and had children of her own, I was able to share their world. Jon’s steadfast support was incredible as we persevered through my two dads’ final years, and healed together afterwards. Jon’s love of whiskey, rock-n-roll, and b-movies kept us laughing through the tears.

Reconciling all of these different views and sifting through and synthesizing the piles of books, belongings, and cherished memories has given me an endless resource to pull from as Jon and I embark on our new creative journey together.